


So tired

by Susquip



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27250030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susquip/pseuds/Susquip
Summary: He remembered Techno talking about how cruel people could be, how heartless and dangerous the world is. He would tell young, well, younger Tommy, that sometimes the world was so cruel that he couldn’t help but stop caring, that he had been exposed to so many awful things that he had lost the ability to care about people he didn’t know. Younger Tommy couldn’t understand this concept, "how could you just stop caring about people in general?" And the response stuck with him for years, "because I’m so tired Tommy."
Relationships: None
Comments: 6
Kudos: 142





	So tired

**Author's Note:**

> Dude I swear to god I thought of this before I saw another fic using the same word. That fics kuebiko by ThatWeirdGuyInTheBushes and it's really good. Our fics aren't really that similar but we did use the same words and I think we're soulmates so..

kuebiko

n. a state of exhaustion inspired by an act of senseless violence, which forces you to revise your image of what can happen in this world—mending the fences of your expectations, weeding out invasive truths, cultivating the perennial good that’s buried under the surface—before propping yourself up in the middle of it like an old scarecrow, who’s bursting at the seams but powerless to do anything but stand there and watch.

-dictionary of obscure sorrows

He couldn’t do anything. Shell shocked, some people call it, but he remembered his brothers calling it  _ kuebiko.  _ Fuckin English majors.

He was forced to watch, his body wouldn’t move, and he couldn’t help but wonder,  _ why?  _ Tubbo is his best friend, and he knows he’ll respawn, but the execution was just so brutal, he couldn’t believe his own brother did it.

He remembered Techno talking about how cruel people could be, how heartless and dangerous the world is. He would tell young, well,  _ younger _ Tommy, that sometimes the world was so cruel that he couldn’t help but stop caring, that he had been exposed to so many awful things that he had lost the ability to care about people he didn’t know. Younger Tommy couldn’t understand this concept,  _ how could you just stop caring about people in general? _ And the response stuck with him for years,  _ because I’m so tired Tommy. _

And as he watches his brother fire those rockets into the audience, he thinks he gets it. He doesn’t think he’s at that point yet, but he understands how it happened. As he watches the rest of the audience explode into beautiful colors, there’s only one thing on his mind, he has to get to Tubbo, as long as Tubbo is okay everything’s fine.

Later, when he confronts Techno, he saw something in his eyes that terrified him.  _ There was no difference _ , he didn’t look different at all, he killed dozens of people, and he felt nothing.

He needs to show that he cares, that he’s not like Techno, he cares so much about  _ everyone _ . He needs to show him that.

“I won’t forgive you Techno.”

And then _ the pit _ happened,

Don’t get him wrong, he respects the rules of the pit. Techno won fair and square, but it seems like they’re just ignoring his feelings for no reason. He feels like they just want him to stop caring no, no no no.

He’s not going to stop, He’s not going to become like techno He cares he really does and nothing is going to change that, no matter how many times tubbo is brutally killed, he’s not going to stop caring just because he respawned, he’s not he’s not he’s not-

_ why techno? _

_ Why did you kill Tubbo? Why don’t you care? What happened that was so bad it made you stop caring? _

_ What did you see? _

  
  
  


Techno remembers it like it was yesterday, probably because he has nightmares about it every night. Most people think of raids as some far away, meaningless thing. And that's how he thought of it too, at least before he witnessed one. Sure he couldn’t understand what the villagers are saying usually, but he understood the universal language of horrified screams.

He tried to ignore it, he didn’t have any armor on him and he was already weakened from days of mining. He turned and saw the village on fire, he’ll never forget the smell of burning flesh, the crying and screaming and begging of the villagers, as he stood to the side and did nothing. 

He shouldn’t have looked, he should have run away the second he heard the bells, but there, on the floor, he saw a parent villager cradling a dead child in their arms and he broke. 

He ran and he screamed and cried for so long, it felt like years.

Until he stopped, there was nothing he could do anymore, he didn’t know what he felt, but he knew one thing, he was so, so  _ tired _

And that feeling stayed, lingering like embers after the fire, like the screams of the villagers in his head.

He was done, it didn’t matter, they’re already dead.


End file.
